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Just when I think I have a handle on things as a mom new obstacles pop up to humble me. I often think the Lord enjoys this because that is just how many times it happens. (That is a joke because cruelty is not in his nature) I was recently asked by my job if I would be able to travel to an in-person client workshop in Dallas, TX. The decision did not come as easy as I thought it would and this is the journey it took me on.
I don't know about you but I always had this dream in my head of traveling for business. I would be dressed in business clothes, with my small carryon, my laptop bag and seated in Business class, drinking champagne as I worked on this important document that everyone wanted my opinion on. Needless to say, this aint that but the opportunity was still cool nonetheless.
Before I could get too excited about the idea of traveling, the fact that I am a wife and a mom swooped me back into reality and bopped me on the head. Now, my mind goes straight to needing all the details. How long will I be gone? How often will we have to travel on site? and so on and so forth. The answers made me feel comfortable but I had to explore this feeling of guilt that consumed me when I thought about the consequences on my family if I said yes. I went into a bit of a panic wondering if saying yes would be the right decision.
Mom Guilt is a real feeling even though the idea that moms should be there for every minute of their child’s life is utterly ridiculous. Mom guilt is a product of society's acceptance of scientific motherhood. Scientific motherhood is a far cry away from the village style motherhood we all fantasize about. The weird part is even though I am aware mom guilt is a construct it doesn't make me feel less guilty about the decisions I make that don't include my child.
I often wonder if social media contributes to my mom guilt. Maybe there is no wonder but, the answer is a bonafide yes. For a while there it felt like everyone on my timeline was dragging their parents for filth about what they did and did not do. Most stories I understood their frustrations and trauma but also recognized that we don't get to hear the parents' side. We don't get to understand in an intimate and empathetic way what that parent had experienced growing up or in life that then impacted the way they parented.
This kind of open rebuke towards parents while viewers rally in the comments against the storytellers parents often caused a lot of introspection on my own parenting. No mom ever wants their child to get on the internet and broadcast to everyone their shortcomings and what they did not do. You ask yourself “am I doing enough? Should I do more? Will this afternoon away, be a part of the narrative that I was never around?”
My child is a toddler and she doesn't have the ability to tell me what she needs and what she doesn't. A lot of time in this season of motherhood I am guessing. Often when we are guessing we tend to project and impose our insecurities into the guesses. I also use my 33 year old processing, reasoning and deduction skills when making these guesses and I have the nerve to think my child can do the same. When the truth is she can't.
So what did I actually decide? I ultimately made my decision to go on my work trip. I considered how much actual time would this be away from my child in the grand scheme of the amount of time I will have with her up until she is 18.
Knowing that I have been there most of the days of her life I decided that a trip here and there wouldn’t negatively impact her in the long run. That decision for me is reflective of my life and my lifestyle. Making these sorts of decisions is not one size fits all and I'm not going to tell you what you should or should not do in a similar situation.
Our children only have a small amount of time with us in the same home. The first 5 years are instrumental in their development so I am not a proponent for running off every chance you get. They still need your presence, embrace, love and support. There has to be some balance there. But, I am a proponent for doing things in moderation, weighing the costs and examining how the decisions line up with your values.
I occasionally heard the argument from women that my child would have wanted me to be happy and do the things that bring joy to my life. I think that is generally true but, there is a flaw in that logic. I don't think that child would want that if it means them and the relationship they have with you are what is being sacrificed to gain it.
So now I'm interested in your thoughts about work travel and mom guilt. What is your experience with it? Are you willing to travel for work or is that where you draw the line? Send an email to us @ hello@dopemomsrelax.com or join this Facebook group to talk more about your experiences. Until the next time Moms, I will talk to you later.
